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I don't know if there are many

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women's magazine enthusiasts in the room,

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magazines like

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Elle or Femme Actuelle or anything like that,

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but you've probably noticed

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that there's always a cheesy little quiz in there, something like, "

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What kind

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of mistress are you?"

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or "Are you a slave to your

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shyness?"

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or even better, "

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Have you aligned your

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chakras?" Well, I feel like giving you

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a cheesy little quiz

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tonight. If you pick out five things that

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describe your husband in the

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song I'm about to

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sing, it means you can

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start to

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worry. They eat barbecue chicken

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with their fingers full of dimples. They get really into it,

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especially if there are wheels or

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a

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prominent chest. It's not hard to

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spot them. They always drive around in a

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Pontiac, tinted windows, a bit of a 'jacket' look, and

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a little neon light around the license plate. They hang out

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at the bar in their village. They get

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incredibly thirsty. They're not

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aware that they give off a smell of gas

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or tables. They love to travel.

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Hunting isn't for the big cat,

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car racing is a weakness for those who

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walk on three-inch heels,

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they soothe their fries in small

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hollows with any cake

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that has jam in the middle and then

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Bing in the syrup of the pole, the

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big colonists, they

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have the exteriors of big

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brutes but they whine like babies

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listening to a wrestling match where their

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idol gets beaten up, they buy the

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photo police, they like blood, they like

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ass and they are fervent fans of 3x movies of the

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genre, a girl who puess, it's

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not because they drink and

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drive and throw their cans out

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the window that they are two of the

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reckless people who have no respect for

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the planet, you shouldn't think that

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colonists don't go into churches,

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I saw one come back from Apple, he had

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lost control of his beautiful

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beloved Pontiac which had just been modified,

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you won't say that it's not pious to have gone to

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offer it to the good eyes, the

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colonist, no no no  No, I feel like this isn't going down well at all, not at all, not at all, not at

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all. I have the feeling it

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might be a bit too

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Quebecois for

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you, which almost makes me want to

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make a more

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French version, adapted by someone you

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know well. By the way, they

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eat

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greasy merguez sausages with their hands covered in

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grease during the holidays, they

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hang out on the disgusting beaches of the

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south, they buy ready-made chickens,

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then they down swigs of pastis by the case, they

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gather in campsites

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that smell of

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piss, they cry and think it's unfair

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when a reality TV contestant gets kicked out, they

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subscribe to Canal+ because on

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Saturdays they get the porn film, they play pétanque, they love football, they

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drive on the left

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on the highway in their crappy Citroëns with

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Paris plates, they're not

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hard to spot with their bucket hats and tank tops,

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they scratch their balls

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in front of the TV while their wives do

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the dishes, the

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idiots, the big idiots,

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there's one there who...  recognized their husband